I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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