I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
