I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
