One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Say something about gay babies.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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