If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
