About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
