Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You pole danced in your parka.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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