She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
