Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
