Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
