I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
