I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
