she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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