So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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