Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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