I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i now understand why vodka
i think i just lost a toe
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
