Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
