I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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