Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
