While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
