All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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