I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
