THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
