All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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