Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
