Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
