Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
