This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
