Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
