i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
