But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
