First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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