don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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