I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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