i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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