just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
