I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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