His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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