remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's Friday. Sex?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
