Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
