i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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