i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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