I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
