I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
