I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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