I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
