After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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