yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
