i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
