If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
