His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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